SIX MONTHS - TIME TO LET IT GO ALREADY

It's been six months today since my sister passed away...wow...even writing that was hard, hard to believe it's actually been that long since I saw her, heard her voice or even knew that she was just there if I needed to talk to her.

But what I want to say, or maybe really just want to vent about, is that I hate that her husband has not taken her Facebook page down yet. Why should this bother me you ask? Well, first off it was her page not his (he doesn't even have one of his own) and she is no longer here and second you know how sometimes you log on to your Facebook account and it shows you recent activity? Well my heart sinks when ever I see her name pop up on there. I mean for a second I am like oh my god Niki wrote...and then it hits me like a hammer on my thick head, she wrote nothing because she is not alive. I kinda (but honestly not really) get that some people just want to hang on to every last thing of hers and they still wanna post things out there but really do they need to post it on her Facebook page...a page that is no longer hers. Post it on your own damn page if you feel the need but why hers?

It's just like when I was updating my contact list last month, or so, I had to delete her number...was it hard to do? Hell yes but it's not her number anymore....it's just not, so why keep it? I'm never going to call it...hell he probably hasn't even turned it off yet so shit he might even answer it and that would send me into a total hysterical fit. Why keep it in my contacts and have to be sad when I scroll past it? It's not that I am insensitive and don't want to remember her because I do and I have my memories and I have pictures of her all over my house but it's just not something I need to be sad about every single time I look at my contacts.

And while I'm on my rant let me tell you that Gmail can suck it! When ever I type an email to my mom or my dad this little box pops up on the top and says "you might want to add Niki Helmer in this email" REALLY? yes I sure would love to include her but I CAN'T!

So Gmail you can suck it!

I loved my sister and I miss her dearly but hanging on to little shit like this just bothers me to the core. There are 1,001 way you can remember her...but keeping a Facebook page of someone who does not live on this earth any longer is just freaking mind blowing to me.

Ok, there I said it and I feel better about saying it...and it's ok if you disagree with what I am saying because these are MY feelings and I am entitled to say how I feel!