IT'S HARD DAMN IT

So I have falalaed my house and I must say it looks pretty damn good for what little bit I did this year. This year we opted for not having a big tree, or a real one for that matter, we have a nice small one that I think will have to do for this year.

It's hard to celebrate or even get into the holiday spirit after losing my sister a couple months ago. Even though my sister was never here, in Florida, with us on Christmas it's still hard. It's hard knowing that we won't be getting boxes and boxes of gifts from her this year...she always sent so much stuff for the kids and it always made me smile inside knowing how much she loved shopping for them and how much they all loved getting gifts from their Aunt Niki. Ever year she always sent Christmas ornaments for the whole family and I think that is what I will miss the most. As I was taking out some of our Christmas decorations I came across a lot of things she had sent us over the years and just broke down and bawled.

I keep waiting to get her awesome Christmas card and letter. She would write these long letters, on really cool stationary, updating everyone on what was going on in her and her husband's lives. I remember last year being on the phone with her talking about Christmas and her husband yelling in the background because she was making him sign the Christmas cards too....and her and I laughed so hard at the things he was saying. Good times, good times that I am really missing today.

I am trying to be strong and keep a smile on my face this holiday season when really all I wanna do is lock myself away in my bedroom and come out after it's all over with. I am trying to be strong for the kids because I know they are feeling it too. I am trying to be strong when I really don't want to damn it!