MY DARKEST HOUR
This might be the hardest post I have ever written...but I need to share this and I need to tell it.
On December 29th a friend (well a friend of mine boyfriend) took his life.
See they were staying with us for a couple of days and all seemed well. I was working late and came home from work to find that they were out for the night. Dominic and I got ready for bed and the next thing I remember is her yelling for us (about 1:30am). We ran outside to see her boyfriend slumped over in her car dead. He had shot himself....right there in our driveway.
All I can tell you is that it played out just like a TV show. The next 9 hours are still kind of a blur and I really can not recall everything that happen but I can tell you this.....I have nightmares and nightmares so bad that I am afraid to close my eyes....nightmares so bad that when I do close my eyes the whole night plays out all over again.
It has been the hardest (darkest) 2 weeks of my life! I don't feel safe in my OWN house. I am scared of the dark and of every FUCKING noise! I feel like a prisoner in my own home and I feel like I will never be whole again.
Some days I have no idea how I even function let alone make it through the day. I am not sure how to move forward but I am one step at a time. Baby steps if you will.
Oh, where are the words right now for you? I have none. You have just experienced a terrible trauma. I am so sorry.
Talk to people, seek help...this was a great first step
How heartbreaking. No words here, but prayers being sent.
I agree... You need to talk with someone. You're as much a victim of suicide as the gf is. You've taken a good step here. Don't stop!
Oh my goodness... that is nothing but horrible! I am so sorry you had to be witness to this.. I'm so sorry that this man felt like it was the answer to his problems. It breaks my heart.... for everyone who knows this young man & of course, for him.
Praying for peace for you....
I can't believe this person did this at your house. You really do need to talk to someone about this. My heart hurts for you and d'man.
This is heartbreaking. The pain that one must feel in order to take their own life is unimaginable. And the impact that his act has on you, your family and his girlfriend is horrible. I'm so sorry that you and your family are going through this. Its a true violation of security in your own home. I hope that your pain and fear will ease soon.
I can't imagine what you're going thru. And I have to echo what others have said, you need to talk to a professional grief counselor.
Words cannot express how horrible this is. My prayers are with you and like many others have said...you need to talk to a grief counselor. My heart hurts for you.
Definitely go talk to someone. The grief and all of the other emotions you have got to be feeling are likely contributing to how you are reacting. I cannot imagine how you aren't dealing with it all since it happened at your home. Hugs to you all, Shelly!!
*hugs* I agree with the other commenters above. Find someone to talk to. And we are always here to listen as well. xxoo
Oh my GOD! How horrifying! How awful! I am so sorry for your loss and the horrible way he chose to end his life. My heart goes out to you.
I agree with the previous comments. You should definitely seek some professional to help you deal with this tragedy.